NOTE: A "plan" -- for those among you for whom this is ancient history -- is a document created in the early days of the internet used to identify oneself. One would type in "finger xxxxxxxx" )where xxxxxxxx is someone's username( at the prompt on the old vax2 system at Winona and it would display the person's username, real name, whether or not they were logged in, when they were last logged in if they weren't, and then the precious plan. Most weren't nearly this long. But they were an awful lot of fun to play with. And this is quite a startling indication of how different I was five years ago when I wrote this. Here goes... ~~~ JULIUS Carpenter, Craig E. JULIUS not logged in Last login Wed 28-Feb-96 9:35AM-CST Plan: --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Things that tick me off: 1. People who don't push in their chairs at the caf when they're done eating. 2. Country music. 3. Drivers who follow you entirely too close. 4. Cops who follow you entirely too close. 5. People who don't knock before entering my dorm room, as if it's a public domain territory or something. 6. People who claim to be pro-life but then say "I would never have an abortion but if someone else wants one go ahead." That's not pro-life; it's self-contradiction. 7. Drivers who don't use their turn signals. 8. Drivers who forget to shut their turn signals off long after they've made the turn. 9. "Could you borrow me five dollars?" (That's YOU, Mudcat.) 10. People who decide that their favorite team is whichever one is winning or is expected to win. 11. Stating facts as opinion. 12. Stating opinions as fact. 13. People who show up late. 14. People whose plans are so long that you can no longer read the information regarding their last logon unless you hit F1. 15. Pedestrians who walk in the street even when there's a perfectly good sidewalk only a few feet away. 16. Animal rights people wearing leather. 17. The pens they have in the bank that are attached to the desk by a chain so noone kipes them, as if the only things in the bank worth stealing are the stupid pens. 18. Slappy the Squirrel on "Animaniacs" 19. Idiot Minnesotans who wear t-shirts when it's about 12 degrees out and say "It's not cold; I like this weather," and even though they're freezing their whatsis off they're too proud to put on a parka. 20. The whole silly debate of Ford vs. Chevy. NO ONE CARES! 21. Anti-military hippy people who wear government issue apparel in protest, as if it'll create utopia because Moonbeam is sporting fatigues. 22. Being stuck in a valley and feeling as though you'll die an asphixiated death from being wedged too tightly between the bluffs. (No offense Winona.) 23. The term "bubbler." 24. The Energizer Bunny. 25. True or False questions that don't give enough information so the answer could be either one. 26. Studying for hours and being well prepared for an exam, only to find that the questions are true or false, as described in number 25. 27. Anything Carol Leifer does. 28. When your glasses fall off in a mosh pit. 29. Bureaucrats. 30. People who equate the Marx Brothers with the Three Stooges. Apples and oranges, honey. 31. People who tell me i look like the hippy teacher dude on "Beavis and Butthead." 32. People who tell me i look like John Lennon. 33. Anybody who claims to know a lot about music but has never heard of the Kinks. ("Lola," "You Really Got Me" [way before Van Halen], "All Day And All Of The Night.") 34. Narrow-mindedness. 35. Lists of things that tick people off. 36. Etc. (Hopefully by typing these up in my plan where noone will see them, i won't have to complain about these things verbally and therefore thouroughly tick other people off too.) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Modesty, propriety, could lead to noteriety, You could end up as the only one. Gentleness, sobriety, are rare in this socity, At night a candle's brighter than the sun." ---Sting -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- A preposition is a terrible thing to end a sentence with. ---Julius -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage, I've found that just surviving is a noble fight. I once believed in causes too, I had my pointless point of view, But life goes on no matter who is wrong or right." ---Billy Joel -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "There was a WATCHER * And the watcher was always watching * But He was also a creator. The consummate and immortal artist, His poetry could be seen in His ultimate creation, MAN * Man * And the Creator's breath was inside each man, yet outside, each was a unique canvas * And man became a glistening CITY awash in light * And the ebb and flow of perfect love thrived in that town * And it was beautiful to the Watcher * But a mastermind lurked outside the town. He was responsible for "forever death" * And he wished it on the city * Meanwhile, the city grew to be a WORLD * But the world of the mastermind also increased outside the city and began to war against the Watcher's Creation... * And the Watcher saw the beautiful lights of His now great city begin to dim * And there was little or no love in the city * So the Watcher sent a mighty wind through the city * And there was new life in this breeze * Some noticed--some did not * The senses of the inhabitants were slowly dulled as hearts hardened and things changed * And the city forgot the Watcher was watching * And the world outside the city grew enormously as many inside joined them * And the Watcher watched * And the world of the mastermind surrounded the city and prepared to take the city and bring "forever death" through its gates * And the Watcher was grieved. He send His Son to the town * And the multitudes raised their hands to the Son, the Rescuer, and cried out...and suddenly they remembered what the Creator's love was like * And all those who gave themselves over had their names written in stone and were taken to a safe place with the Son * And the WATCHER, and the SON, and the WIND returned and became destroyers * And they destroyed those on the outside * Forever * The town was made to glisten again with a light brighter than all the heavens * And those whose names were written in stone returned * The Son returned, riding on the wings of the Wind...to rule there * There was great joy * And the Watcher watched * And He was pleased * And once again, like in the beginning, there was only one WORLD...only one MAN * Forever * ...And it was THE ONLY WORLD IN TOWN" ---Jag -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I hope you've enjoyed the journey into this dilapidated mind of mine. The i's aren't capitalized on purpose, so don't send me mail saying "the i's should be capitalized!" 'coz it'll do no good. [Such are the disadvantages of a narrow mind.] References to others are capitalized appropriately, but in a self reference i'm entitled to use lower case (*general glance in the Cat's direction*). Call it humility, call it stupidity, call it individuality, call it no romance language capitalizes pronouns of the first person except English--you can call me anytime, "but don't call me Shirley." Special thanks to Player for showing me how to write a plan. Once you get me started... A tip of the hat is directed to the following people: Martin Luther King, Jr., Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Buckley, police officers across the U.S., my Uncle Flick, Jacob's Trouble, Michael Chang, Tim LaHaye, Tim Allen, Tim Frisk, SVrs and CCrsC worldwide, Arthur Schlesinger, Simon and Garfunkel, the Detroit Tigers, Ben Franklin, Tom Jefferson and John Adams, Beverly who works at the McDonald's in Burnsville, Cal Thomas, Dave Dravecky, Dave Letterman, my Uncle Dave, John Mellancamp, Whitecross, C.S. Lewis, Operation Desert Storm and all the brave men and women who have served in the United States' military, Enrique and George Ochoa, Bill Bennett, Orel Hershiser, A.C. Green, Mick Lunzer, MST3K, the cul-de-sac, and all those who have made my stay at Winona State University an enjoyable one. And what kind of nut are you that you delight in reading other people's really long plans? Enjoy your meal, Shalom, and God bless. ___________________________________________________________________________